Earlier this week, I turned 27.
I was lucky enough to celebrate my special day with three of my dearest male friends. In the process of celebrating, I found myself overcome with gratitude. The intensity of this feeling snuck up on me. These three people are luckily daily fixtures in my life, and we always show up for each other in the important ways. But on my birthday, I found myself incredibly moved at what we’ve built.
The day began with a trip to the QC spa on Governor’s Island with one of my oldest and dearest best friends. I had yearned for a soothing birthday this year and had heard tell of this magical establishment. This friend was the ideal person to go on this adventure with.
We took a morning ferry to the island and soon arrived at the faithful location. We checked in, signed waivers (in case we died of relaxation), and were given complimentary robes & slippers. The vibes were immaculate but it took us a minute to settle in. In the first hour or so, we kept asking each other, “You relaxed yet?” until we finally deduced that we both were. As the day progressed, we swam in heated pools, sat in steam rooms, soothed ourselves in relaxation rooms, and lounged on luscious hammocks. I’ve never relaxed so hard in my life! Dips in the pool were followed by deeply reflective conversations and hilarious observations. It was a luxurious experience for me, but not just for the obvious reasons. Throughout the day, I felt a quiet joy that only comes from being deeply accepted.
What else can I tell you about this friend? Well firstly, we’ve truly grown up together. We’ve experienced many, many different versions of life with each other. He’s bore witness to several interesting haircuts, many eclectics fits (some iconic, some ghastly), and a few eccentric breakdowns. He was an active participant in both the zany days of 2008 as well as the introspective months of 2020. He’s the kind of friend you go play tennis with, only to stop playing after 15 minutes so you can talk instead. His genius comes in the way he pays attention. He has the ability to find humor and truth in everything. His talent is boundless, but so is his modesty. Above all, he’s steadfast and overflowing with compassion. Much has been written about the masculine need to posture and perform, but I am proud to say our friendship operates on completely opposite rules. Its beauty is in its gorgeous, unaffected simplicity. A day with him is one filled with profound love.
Later in the day, I returned to my new apartment and was greeted by two other best friends. With them, they brought gifts, great vibes, and some good ass wine. The good ass wine soon gave way to some good ass tacos, tortas, and burritos, which ultimately gave way to more good ass wine. We walked into the pouring rain together to pick up the food, even though only one of us really needed to get it. And later, we cackled as we feasted, realizing that perhaps we were not sober.
We began watching Shark Tank, because that’s what we fucking do, but soon turned it off because we were more interested in each other than in the sharks. Amidst the buzz, we began reflecting on some of the big emotions we were feeling. This might be daunting for some but luckily we are experts at going from goofy to vulnerable. As I gave my own updates, I was struck by how they both looked at me with the same face. The face including a steady smile with knowing eyes- a look of complete recognition. They didn’t have to say anything else because I knew the message was “I love you and am so proud of you.” It’s the consistent, ever-present subtext that grounds all of our interactions.
These two friends came into my life in college, but in less than a decade have moved effortlessly into the space of brotherhood. They’ve been my roommates, my wingmen (eh), my confidantes, and my laugh buddies. We constantly remind each other how sexy and funny we are, because it is important to remember things that are true! We say the wildest shit to each other, but end almost every conversation with“Love You, Bro.” One is passionate about creation, and the other about communication. Both are geniuses. I’ve watched them both rise to the most incredible heights while still remaining their charismatic, kind selves. The trio we create together is chaotic, loud, and perfect.
—————————————————————
Throughout my life, masculinity has been a peculiar consideration. I’ve always felt completely comfortable within my own personal understanding of it, but have been consistently shocked to learn that some view my take differently. Softness and goofiness and vibrance have always come intuitively and joyfully. They’ve been the pillars of my private world. Yet early on, those qualities felt alienating and isolating. For years, I worried that the only way I could access true communion with others was by stifling my emotional life and dulling my natural effervescence. Perhaps the way to broader understanding was to not be fully understood.
Yet at 27, I am struck by how false that notion has always been. I feel so lucky to have found three soulmates along the way who’ve affirmed my sense of self, who’ve validated and shared my definition of masculinity, and who’ve taught me what true egoless friendship looks lie. It’s a joy to laugh, cry, and live life with them. This birthday was a reminder of why I fell in love with each of them in the first place.
Way better than watching shark tank… beautiful, joyful, and masculine!