Well hello there friends!
It has been a minute! There have been many times in the last two years that I’ve thought about writing here. But there was always some food in front of me that was frankly much more deserving of my attention. Still through it all, I’ve missed free writing. I’ve found that it gives me the same electric feeling as hanging with people I love, or pretending to be someone else. So I am going to try to write here more. But I am NOT going to make any big promises. So don’t be expecting anything!!! If this is the last Substack you get from me, have a nice f*cking life! But as always, I’m grateful and appreciative of those who take a moment to read.
I am going to start small and share five things that have been on my mind recently. Some are quite serious and some are sillier. I do not mean to undercut the impact of any of these things by putting them in a list with these other items (if that makes sense). These are simply things that have filled my brain recently. My hope is that you will either explore them, or that they will lead you to something that you want to explore. Lets go!
Quicksand by Nella Larsen- I’ve loved Nella Larsen’s Passing for a long time, but I recently went back and read her first novel. And I’m just in awe of her facility with language. Her prose is sophisticated and beautiful but its always in service of something real and challenging. Her characters are restless and probing and hungry and they have every reason to be! This novel follows a woman named Helga Crane as she searches for permanence. This journey takes her from the South to Chicago to Harlem to Denmark. It’s a startling read. Larsen writes so well about the way rigid conceptions of race and identity fracture the psyche, but also captures the very human desire to push through it all in search of something better. The details and challenges of Helga Crane’s life closely mirror Larsen’s own story.
The more I’ve learned about Nella Larsen’s work and life, the more mournful I have felt. Like her characters, she fought tirelessly to express herself, free of racial and economic constraints. But through a series of tragedies, she lost so much and was never able to fully actualize her creative and personal dreams. Its by no means a unique story. The lives and work we have lost to such structural violence is enraging. Its a very specific type of political loss. But recognition of this loss has only made me want to cherish the things we have more. And Larsen gave us two miraculous novels. So read them both.
Bergman Island- I wish I could truly express the magic of this film! I saw it for the first time last year at New York Film Festival and it has just permanently lodged itself into my spirit. In fact, most days at work, I just dream of coming home, nestling under a warm blanket and watching Bergman Island. When I think of the perfect day, it includes Bergman Island. Mia Hansen-Løve has made a perfect movie.
The premise is best kept simple. It follows a married couple (both movie directors) on a creative retreat to the island of Färo, where Ingmar Bergman shot the majority of his films. Both are trying to write their own movies (movies which later become part of the narrative).
It’s a film about many things: the creative process, the ache of relationships (both real and imagined), legacy, nostalgia, the feeling you get when you dance with someone who is going to break your heart a few hours later and the disorienting ways art and life intersect!! It’s funny and prickly and elusive and romantic and artful and intelligent and it has beautiful Swedish landscapes and some of the best ABBA needle drops outside of that island in Greece. And Vicky Krieps and Mia Wasikowska are downright enchanting in it. Watch the trailer here and then watch it on Hulu.
Spicy Cumin Lamb Noodles- Many New Yorkers will relate, but I truly do not think there is a greater joy than walking into Xi’an Famous Foods and ordering a Spicy Cumin Lamb Noodles. How do I explain this to those who have not tried it? These noodles are HAND TOSSED. Their texture is out of this world- doughy and substantial but also smooth. And they are bathed in the most holy chili oil. This is the type of oil that will stain your best shirt (who cares!), while imprinting on your tastebuds. Its defies language. And the lamb! So perfectly cooked. It melts in your mouth. The dish is a masterclass in presentation and flavor. And it brings the HEAT!!! I believe eating spicy food is the perfect encapsulation of being alive. Sometimes it’s risky. But if you can give yourself over to it- if you can embrace the unknown- it can reveal something otherworldly. And in time, that thing can become a great comfort. Thats what these noodles are to me. If you’re in NYC run to your closest location, and if you’re not order their oil and cookbook online.
Buffalo sauce- Something has happened to me recently. After a lifetime of eating buffalo sauce intermittently (on wings and pizzas and sandwiches as one does), I now want it all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean all the time. ALLL theeeeeee timmmeeeeee. It is unexplainable and without any reason. Frankly it’s a bit depraved. But IDGAF!!! I’ve become a buffalo boy! I personally do not think these things are worth analyzing. I could spend time wondering why I’ve developed this fixation, or I could actually go out and enjoy them. Who knows if this will be a lifelong thing or simply the flavor of the month. I will enjoy it as long as it wants to be enjoyed! So if you have any recommendations for good buffalo sauces, or wanna send your favorite Desi clown some in the mail—— please reach out!
This song- You remember it, I’m sure. But when’s the last time you properly listened to it? When’s the last time you internalized its message? Well I’m here to bring you back to some sense. Go listen right now! And dance.